17 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK

· It’s an incentive to show up
· It leads to more honest communication
· It reduces complaints about low pay
· Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear
· It encourages car pooling
· It increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care
· It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work
· It makes fellow employees look better
· Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted
· Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable
· Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar
· It makes everyone more open with their ideas
· It eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch breaks
· It increases the chance of seeing your boss naked
· Employees no longer need coffee in the morning to sober up
· Sitting “bare assed” on the copy machine will no longer be seen as “gross”.


Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. 
"Aye, so I have. 'This Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. 
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer test." Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"


A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
“What’s all the screaming about in there? he yells. “You’re scaring my customers!”
“I’m just sitting here on the toilet,” slurs the drunk,” and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.” With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, “You idiot!
You’re sitting on the mop bucket!” 

Quick Fire!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer," he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "No charge."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive."

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A hamburger walks into a bar, and the barman says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."

This white horse walks into a bar, and asks the barman for a whisky. The barman says, "We have Johnny Walker, J&B, Grants and we even have one named after you!" The horse replies, "Really? You have a whisky named Eric?!"

This baby seal walks into a bar and the barman says, "What'll you have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted.

Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the barman. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other. "Okay," replied the barman, "That'll be one Blood and one Blood Lithe."

A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A seal walked into a club.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says
"Pint please, and one for the road."