A rather confident young man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it."
Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says that you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"
The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Believe in her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her Jewellery,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked,
Tried and Tested Chat-up Lines
· Can I borrow a quarter? ("What for?") I want to call my mum and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
· The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
· You must be tired. (“Why’s that?”) Your legs have been running around my head all night.
· That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
· Nice shoes. Wanna f**ck?
· All those curves, and me with no brakes.
· If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
· F**ck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
· Is it hot in here or is it just you?
· If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
· So... How am I doin'?
· How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
· Say, that's a nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
· Is that a ladder up your stocking, or a stairway to heaven?
· I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
· My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
· Do you want to see something swell?
· What do you like for breakfast?
· Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
· Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
· Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."
· Your face or MINE!?
· Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (“No”) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
· You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.
· Do you believe in love at first sight? If not, I'll walk by again.
· You don't sweat much for a fat girl.
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