A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes in to her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

 A couple was checking out of the hotel after their honeymoon.
When the bill was presented an argument occurred.
"What is this item...$200. for meal?" inquired the groom.
"We have never eaten in your dining room. All I had was beer in the suite, with eggs that I brought with me."
"Yes sir," replied the manager, "but the wedding package included meals and the food was there for you. If you didn't take them, it's not our fault."
"In that case," answered the groom, "we are even, completely even...because you owe me $200. for making love to my wife!"
"But, I never touched your wife!" protested the manager.
"Well, she was there for you," said the groom. "If you didn't use her, it's not my fault!!

A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"
The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"
The person says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy
asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding
even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo
shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't
wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"