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A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes sir, may we help you?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told
you," he said.
"We do not use language like that here," she said. "Please go outside and come back in and say that there's something wrong with your 'ear' or
whatever."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and re-entered.
“Yes sir, may we help you?” asked the receptionist.
“Yes” said the man, “It’s my ear.”
“I see, and what’s wrong with your ear sir?” she asked with a smile.
“I can’t piss out of it.”

A man was visiting his wife in the hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife. He tells the doctor who suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked.”

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor's office to collect his wife's tests results.

Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of mix-up and we have a problem. 
When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from
another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."
Mr. Smith: "what do you mean?"
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer
disease and the other for AIDS. we cannot tell which is your wife."
Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"
Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the
middle of town and if she finds her way home, don't f*ck her."

A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The
Doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you
watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says
"I'll give you some cream to put on it."

A man walks into the doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
The man says "I know, it's Michelle!!"


A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!'' 
''I wouldn't worry too much about it,'' the doctor replies. 'Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.'' 
''But you don't understand,'' the woman insists. ''He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.'' 

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