Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience 
Oscar Wilde 

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. 
Anonymous 

“My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”
Socrates

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.”
Helen Rowland

Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree. 
Oscar Wilde 

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Groucho Marx

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
Woody Allen

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.” 
Robin Williams 

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. 
Lewis Grizzard 

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. 
Max Kauffman